OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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