FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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