Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
