I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
