I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
