Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
