I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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