I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize