I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
we're so committed to being not committed
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
