I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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