I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I want to have your abortion
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
