Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
