She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
