There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
