when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
