I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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