Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
