Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
