You're my little dorito
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
