Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Im part way to drunk.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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