It's like a parade of train wrecks.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
