Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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