I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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