Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
