just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
