Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
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I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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