Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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