Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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