Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
There are leaves in my underwear?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
