Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
