Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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