Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
