he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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