i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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