New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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