I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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