Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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