I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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