Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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