Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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