oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
we're so committed to being not committed
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
