i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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