**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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