I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
