I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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