My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
