That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
