my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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