I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
