Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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