Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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