i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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