I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
