the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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