I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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