just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
