I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
