The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
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Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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