Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
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Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
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Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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