The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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