And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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