You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
