All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
