battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
