I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
